THIS IS MY FAVORITE DUMB AMERICAN THING??? it captures the entire experience of being an American. it seems super dumb and self-centered to anyone who isn’t from here but it is completely comprehensible to any other American and also NECESSARY because most states are size of European nations and we have the same weird hateful feelings towards one another??? so I need to explain to you why you shouldn’t hate me like, bitch, you better not think I live in Texas bc fuck those guys MY STATE DIDN’T VOTE FOR GEORGE BUSH

yesterday, @freekicks accidentally referred to California as a country and I launched into a spiel about how we’re big enough and have the fifth largest economy in the world (SUCK OUR DICK) and she told me to go fuck myself and that’s how you know I’m a Californian (and she is a New Yorker)

but ALSO we are intensely competitive about how authentically whatever we are so you can’t just say you’re from New York when you really grew up in MINNESOTA and just moved to New York as an adult so I need to tell you that my FAMily is from SoCal and I spent a bunch of my childhood there bc I can’t say I’m Californian just bc I’ve lived here for four years DOESN’T COUNT

but I am Californian bc I’m a snotty asshole and also I say “the 5” when I’m talking about freeways and I eat too many avocados and I know how to pronounce Vallejo and La Jolla

Other Americans may find the distinctions important, but it still absolutely comes across as dumb and self-centred to the rest of us xD

I mean, it’s been over six years since it happened, but I still distinctly remember the first time I heard an American answer that question with “the USA”. It was his first time hanging out with my friendship group, and there were maybe a dozen of us there from as many different countries – and every single one of us was like wait, what??!?

Literally before any more introductions could happen, the entire conversation devolved into the rest of us bitching about how Americans always expect the rest of the world to know and care about the differences between their states and cities. (As if other countries don’t have deeply entrenched local identities and rivalries. And the size argument falls a bit flat when you’ve got people from China, Australia and Brazil in the room.)

In this case it turned out our new American friend had spent quite a few years living in Europe, where he’d picked up on the fact that this is something that the rest of the world finds slightly exasperating.

This is good to know as an American. Like seriously. I had no idea it came across as arrogant. 

But for the record… it is actually important to us. So that’s why we tell you. I’m not from the United States. The state/city I’m from happens to be in the United States. That’s literally how we think about it, because to us saying we’re from the US is totally unhelpful. And because the vast majority of us don’t/can’t get off this contintent very often, we don’t really have practice answering the question, “where are you from?” with “The United States.” Also… I would figure the accent would give it away.

Also, it does control which American stereotype inevitably gets pulled out. The number of times I got asked if I played the banjo because I’m from the American South… I swear. But at least they weren’t saying, “Fuggetabbatit!” or “Surf’s up!”

The Entirety of Europe is 3.931 million square miles in area (About 10 million Square kilometers)

The United States is 3.797 million million square miles in area.

Saying “Im from the USA” is, geographically similar to saying “I am from Europe.”

We are the third largest country in the world. The difference, geographically, between California and New York is about 1000km larger than the difference from France and Russia, and you pass 3 or 4 fucking countries between France and Russia depending on route.

So how is it self centered to give more detailed information? Like if someone said they were from the UK I would ask what part, because a Scotsman and an Englishman are very different, and they fucking border each other.

So fuck off.

Russia is significantly larger than the USA, yet I feel the need to elaborate exactly what part I’m from, neither do I lie that my country is literally more culturally diverse than the entirety of a continent because you cook mildly different burgers. You fuck off.