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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
collapsedsquid
collapsedsquid

My car’s brakes were acting a bit funny, so I took my car to the mechanic. When I came back later, I asked him what the problem was.  He said that the brakes were getting old, so he removed them entirely.  I asked him  “What the fuck? I need those brakes to stop the car!“  He replied “Oh you poor ignorant fool.  Don’t you know cars stop on their own?  Haven’t you ever heard of friction?“

At that point I had a hunch what was going on.  I asked him “You voted for Gary Johnson in the election didn’t you?“  “Darn right“ he said. Shoulda known.

mitigatedchaos

There are no brakes on the ＴＲＵＭＰ ＴＲＡＩＮ.

shtpost
slartibartfastibast
longreads.com

The Elements of Bureaucratic Style

The bureaucratic voice presents governments and corporations as placid, apologetic, and unmovable. It also makes their victims as active as possible.
oligopsonoia

“Munoz repeatedly makes reference to established procedures: “Our employees followed established procedures for dealing with situations like this.” Here we have what seems to be a nice use of the active voice: We have actors (“our employees”) and they are doing something specific. But the figures responsible for establishing procedure are nowhere to be found. Whenever possible, bureaucratic style will shift responsibility to immutable rules and directives that appear spontaneously from the ether.”

argumate

it’s funny because if employees did violate established procedures then they could take the blame, but if established procedures are responsible then really you want to chase responsibility up the chain of command until it reaches the CEO if necessary: who established the procedure, who reviewed it, who approved it, who is responsible for reviewing it, who set the overall corporate direction that led to it, etc.

slartibartfastibast

What if that guy is dead?

argumate

Then they are not the officer currently in charge, unless it was the incident under review that killed them.

slartibartfastibast

What if they’ve died and become a godhead that communicates through prophetic hallucination?

mitigatedchaos

My office has methods for dealing with that. You don’t hear about it much because this sort of situation has only come up twice in corporate malpractice.

shtpost
argumate

Anonymous asked:

now list 5 most SHOCKING things about living in australia

argumate answered:

I feel like this is a setup for a tired box jellyfish joke or something like that.

mitigatedchaos

The most shocking thing about living in Australia is that performing the Malcolm Turnbull Y-rotation glitch results in getting struck by lightning.

And before anyone asks, no, I don’t know why it happens, but it isn’t considered important enough to patch since the only known way to reproduce it is to get Malcolm Turnbull to do a backflip.  I’ve read the ticket myself.

shtpost
argumate
quasi-normalcy

I mean, I wasn’t planning on cuckolding every white American man, but they just keep going on about it; I can see some logistical difficulties, but I think I can pull it off if I just manage to stay hydrated.

argumate

Quis cucket ipsos cuckers

mitigatedchaos

In which quasi-normalcy discovers they were an American White Man in a mask all along, making this goal logically impossible. Entering into a severe depression, quasi-normalcy takes on a trap tradwife and joins the Alt Right.

Source: quasi-normalcy shtpost politics
ranma-official

Lvl 100 Woke

oddbagel

LVL 200 WOKE

ranma-official

We are hitting woke levels that shouldn’t've​ been possible

mitigatedchaos

They even have dedicated operatives supporting Liberalism online, attempting to undermine American Antifas in their glorious struggle against the illegitimate Fascist President and his Fascist voters.  Why, they could be right here among us even now!

Truly, Putin’s insidious plotting knows no bounds.  

Source: oddbagel shtpost
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